"Inhibition into Everyday: What Does it Mean to Stop?"- a workshop with John Hunter

Inhibition into Everyday: What Does it Mean to Stop?
Notes by Sarah Barfoot

A workshop led by John S Hunter at Soho House exploring this concept of what it means to stop and a discussion of his experiences with Miss Goldie and Erika Whittaker.

“None of us knows what ‘stopping really is,’ but we can explore the possibility of it.”¹

John began by giving us a brief introduction to the two ladies’ characters, describing them to be as different as chalk and cheese. Though they were not close in their younger years these two grand dames of Ashley Place developed a warmth towards one another in later life, perhaps bonded by their shared experiences of their time with F.M. and their feeling towards what was happening in the Alexander Technique world. He then went on to tell us about each woman in more detail, beginning with Miss Goldie.

Margaret Goldie was born in 1905 in Bridge of Weir.² She came to study in London in 1924 at the Froebel Institute where she was noticed by Esther Lawrence, who was concerned by her frailty and sent her off to have lessons with FM. Given her combined early interests of studying the work of Frederick Froebel and later work with F.M on The Alexander Technique Training Course it seemed apt that she should later help Irene Tasker with running the Little School, first at Ashley Place and then at Penhill.

I remember reading that she had a reputation as a rather fierce, but petite, prim looking, woman, who wore her hair in a bun and had sparkling blue eyes and a penchant for the odd cigar.

She had a love of the finer things in life, the Arts and authenticity. She had played Portia in ‘The Merchant of Venice’ and Ophelia in ‘The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark’ at the Old Vic alongside F.M and the other on the training course at Ashley Place

John recalled the time when he first entered her room in Soho Square. Having heard about her from pupils at Patrick Macdonald’s school he was prompted to book this first lesson following a surreal dream he had in which he was taking a lesson with her. He rang her up and noted that she was very polite on the phone.

Her teaching room was a tiny space at the top of an office block in Soho Square. His description of stepping into this room made me think of Lucy stepping through the wardrobe into Narnia,³ an unknown and magical place where anything might happen. John described a sense of quiet that filled this room and also a sense of quiet inside that you sensed when you looked into Miss Goldie’s eyes.

John recounted that she often wore a hat with a feather poking out if it and that her rooms had a feeling of quality and were filled sparsely with well made, old fashioned furniture, most notably a bureau and an antique cigar box. The latter she often used to place behind a pupil’s back to ensure the back stayed back, during chair turns. John informed us this same feeling of quality was later reinforced on visiting her home in Richmond.

His visits to her began in 1985 shortly after he had qualified as a teacher. She made him realise that he had much more responsibility in his use that he had previously realised.

He recalled that she might stand him in front of a chair and just tap him on the head whilst speaking and it was as if the words literally dropped right into his brain. Then she’d put him into the chair somehow and he wouldn’t know how he’d got there.

Another thing she would do is sit him in a chair and tilt him back so that he was quite uncomfortable, then tap him.

John recounted how everything he was used to would go in that moment. He had to become aware of how he was dealing in his mind with not having a familiar support. Then when he was quiet she’d whisk him out of the chair and all familiar sensory experience was gone.

Sometimes she would get him up other times he would remain seated. He said that she had a trick of finding something to do at the other side of the room often looking in her bureau whilst she left him in monkey or in the chair but she would be quietly observing in mirrors and if he moved would simply enquire about ‘what he thought he was doing, ruining her good work.’

He said that these experiences were not always comfortable and that he was always under scrutiny in her room and that things were on her terms. He recalled she had reprimanded him on his first visit for not stopping before seeing it through as he went to sit in a chair and again for having his feet too far apart. After the first lesson and discussing payment he recalled that she had said to him that he must go away and think about how much it meant to him, adding that people with a lot of money don’t value anything unless they pay through the nose for it, so what did he think it was worth to him? Following this they came to an arrangement.

He said prior to his lessons with her he had felt he was a competent teacher and knew how to give a good turn but she had made him question to what extent the technique was
choreography where we learn to respond to each other’s hands. She was interested in the brain, how one brain spoke to another. Her focus in these lessons was often on the thinking and staying in the moment with the experience and this change in the brain would somehow work its way into the body. The hands were almost incidental in this process but an hour or two later he might be doing something and would suddenly feel a change in the spine, a new freedom.

John recalled her coming in one day and asking if he had heard of Frances Sinatra who sang the song ‘I did it My Way’. “He’s wrong’. She had said “Because it’s doing it your way that got you into trouble. You want to do it nature’s way.”

John said he had known the day something had changed for him. She had tapped him on the back and he had observed he was ‘there’. You’re a lot better she had told him but straight away had followed that with ‘You don’t want to get complacent.’

He felt lessons with her made a pupil take into daily life an acute awareness of how they reacted to stimuli at all times. Taking away the thoughts of keeping the back back, and putting them in front of who they really were. That in her lessons the mind was in a place of unknown, not in a frightened or vulnerable sense but rather in one of curiosity. In this unfamiliar place it was possible to see the world anew and felt as though anything could happen.

Erika Whittaker (nee Schumann) was born Metz in 1911 and spent her early years in Germany.⁴ Her mother wished for her to have an English education and in 1919 sent her to the Wendover, experimental farmhouse school. She came to Ashley Place around 1929. It was here that she met her husband, a young doctor, called Duncan Whittaker.

John said that Erika was a very different personality to Miss Goldie, a real people-lover with a very open nature. She loved talking and possessed a wicked sense of humour. Her aunt, Ethel Webb, was already an Alexander Technique teacher and had first introduced her to the technique at eight years old. As a young lady Erika had suffered from a scoliosis of the spine and described herself as a ‘lumpy’ child.

In her first introductions to the technique her aunt had advised her to keep her length in all that she did and to make sure she looked after herself in all her activities. Maybe these early interventions had an influence on the open personality she held onto into adulthood.

Erika had an interest in Zen Buddhism and Daoism. Her father had been a musician in the German army and the Kaiser had been so impressed with a musical piece that he had directed that he had bestowed upon him one wish. Erika’s father was granted a post in Shanghai and it was on a slow boat to China that her parent’s had met and fallen in love. As a result Daoist Philosophy was prevalent growing up in their household and Erika immediately recognised a connection between these ideas and those of F.M Alexander’s work.

John told us that it was in 1985 at the STAT memorial lecture that he first laid eyes on Erika Whittaker. He had been qualified for more than a year and had been taking lessons with Miss Goldie. He recalled being confused when Erika bounded onto the stage as he was looking out for a ‘grand old lady’ and she looked a good twenty years younger than her age.

One of the things he remembered from that address was her saying that anyone who looked as if they were practising the Alexander Technique wasn’t. He recalled looking about the room and seeing many people who looked as though they were and also that they also sat in enclaves and seemed to practise a particular ‘house style’ dependent upon where they’d trained.

Erika piqued his interest and he decided to find out more about this unusual woman.

John arranged a lesson with her in Earls Court, whilst she was staying in England with a friend and fellow teacher, because at that time she was based in Australia. He recalled that as she opened the door he had felt straight away that there was something different about her. He said at the time he could only express it by saying she allowed herself to ‘live’ her personality and that this came through in her energy and approach to life.

There was no imposition of a technique or sense that she was the teacher. She put him totally at ease. Due to a mix up of times and the teaching room being booked she took him into another room to talk. He said that she had spoken whilst he listened and he had realised almost straight away that what she had said was very relevant to him and his life. In that short space of time she had given him some very insightful knowledge in an indirect way.

She had then taken him into the other room to do some chair and table work but had made minimal contact with her hands, but kept his attention constantly engaged so that he didn’t interfere. When he had to leave, because she had an appointment, he enquired about payment and she had said that as he was a teacher he mustn’t worry about payment but rather see it as an exchange of work, however the next time would be in Australia.

He said on leaving he went to sit in a café, feeling somewhat similar, but also very different to when he had his first lessons some seven years before. Similar in that he was experiencing himself in a new way; but different because it had come about with very little hands on work. Something huge had happened, she had got inside his head and changed his thinking.

He then recounted spending time with both women and how in their later years they had reconciled any differences they may have had in their former years and time spent at Ashley Place. He told us that the last time he had seen Miss Goldie she had been delighted as she had been to tea with Erika and they’d shared all her favourite things, including smoked salmon, stilton cheese and champagne.

He also recounted that Miss Goldie remarked that in the early days of the training course F.M had often told pupils to observe Erika, as she was so light and free in her ways inciting them that they needed to be more like her.

Photo by Sarah Barfoot

We then had some practical time in the second part of the workshop where John asked people to volunteer to stand individually as the rest of us sat in a circle. He then asked them to walk across the room. Once stationary we observed them as he used his hands and voice to guide them into a new sense of awareness and freedom.

Photo by Sarah Barfoot

He then asked them to repeat the exercise. The difference was astonishing in how they moved and the sense of presence they emanated. This was an exploration into inhibition and stopping. He said that we should think of inhibition as ‘keeping our options open’ and a place from which true spontaneity can be born.

We then discussed what it means to stop? How to stop is different than to inhibit. Do any of us really understand what it means to stop? How this stopping is also different from a pause and then how we respond to stimulus changes, both in attitude and activity, from these places.⁵

Photo by Sarah Barfoot

He also talked about how sensations are messages coming into the brain and directions are outgoing messages – which have no sensation per se. It made me think how incredible it is that a 1.4- kilogram tangle of nerve cells allows us to sense, understand and change the world. How ceaselessly fascinating this ‘brainwork’ is and how little we know of this place that supports thought, memory and consciousness. Often I have mistakenly thought of the technique as being something that happens in the body and feeds into the brain, or the other way round, when in fact nothing can be separated.

At the end of the workshop John said something that was of great interest to me, that I have often felt. He said that many young people these days are looking for something. They are curious about consciousness and the mind and body connection. They look to the East for inspiration and are searching for something that is, in fact, all there in the Alexander Technique.

Photo by Sarah Barfoot

He felt that maybe our use of language, our vocabulary, is a bit out- dated and that what they maybe don’t realise is that in the interaction that takes place in a lesson this language is often quite different to what is written in books. Sometimes language is helpful, but sometimes it gets in the way. I think most of us in our training will have experienced that level of authenticity in the work when the medium becomes almost irrelevant but the message on some level is inherently understood, communicated and shared, as an extension of ourselves.

It made me think of the phrase The Medium is the Message, coined by Marshall McLuhan6 In Understanding Media, who believed that the message of electronic media foretold the end of humanity, as it was known. Written twenty years before the PC revolution and thirty years before the Internet, in 1964, this looked like the babblings of a mad man. Yet McLuhan's insights into our engagement with a wide variety of media led to a rethinking of our entire society and in today’s world the mad man looks quite sane.

I wonder if redemption in the Twenty First Century will come from insurgency towards the ‘mind-body’ discipline. That the revolution will come and the Alexander Technique and its integrative approach will achieve the ubiquity it deserves. Perhaps it will need to undergo a re-branding of sorts. Maybe this would help it to appeal to the masses.

I think it’s apt to finish with a quote that John related to us from Miss Goldie,

“But it was never meant to be for everyone. It was meant for the few who wanted to evolve.”

If you wish to learn more about John Hunter and The Alexander Technique you can follow his blog at https://upwardthought.wordpress.com/upward-thought/.
John has been involved with The Alexander Technique since 1978 and is Head of Training at the Westminster Alexander Centre.

----------------------------------------

¹ Not To 'Do' An Account of Lessons in the Alexander Technique with Margaret Goldie, July 1995 to November 1996. Fiona Robb, Camon Press, 1999.
² A more detailed biography can be found on Upward Thought, John S Hunter’s online Blog, 2015, under Margaret Goldie.https://upwardthought.wordpress.com/upward-thought/margaret-goldie/
³ C.S Lewis The Chronicles of Narnia, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, Geoffrey Bless, 1950⁴ A more detailed biography can be read on John S Hunter’s Blog, Upward Thought under Erika Whittaker. https://upwardthought.wordpress.com/upward-thought/erika-whittaker/
⁵ More information can be found on John Hunters Blog, Upward Thought, Tips for Pupils, following this link: https://upwardthought.wordpress.com/?s=tips+for+pupils
⁶ Marshall McLuhan, Understanding Media. The extensions of Man, Routledge and Keegan, 1964, p7

A workshop on "SubtleYoga for AT Students and Teachers" with Mika Hadar-Borthwick

SubtleYoga workshop for AT Students and Teachers

A workshop with Mika Hadar-Borthwick

Notes by Jessamy Harvey

“Yoga must not be practised to control the body: it is the opposite, it must bring freedom to the body, all the freedom it needs.” Vanda Scaravelli (1908-1999)

Mika Hadar had a warm and welcoming approach from the start of the day, as she invited us to share who we were, what stage of the training we were at and if we had any yoga experience. Of all those present, I was probably the only one who had but a mere passing acquaintance with yoga but at no point did this appear to matter. Mika, in her own words, “developed the practice of Subtle Yoga through healing and her work in teaching yoga and Alexander Technique”. This workshop was, therefore, an opportunity to appreciate what Mika could teach us about the connections between these somatic fields. The Alexander Technique, which is part of a Western tradition in mind/body integration, and Yoga, which emerges from the East and has ancient roots; though, as in any tradition or field, yoga has experienced mutations, adaptations and translations as it has travelled through time, across the globe and been transmitted via different practitioners. In introducing herself, Mika spoke about Vanda Scaravelli as well as mentioning that her Alexander Technique training was with Misha Magidov.

It was useful to learn about her connection to Scaravelli. Mainly because Mika wanted us to understand that yoga is a practice that is accessible to anyone. Scaravelli came to yoga in her mid-forties and continued to practice until the end of her life. Mika clearly wanted to challenge the idea that yoga is predominantly about flexibility and strength so that we might let go of stereotypical ideas about the yoga body which could be holding us back. This had the effect of making us all feel much more at ease and created a sense of openness to experiencing subtle yoga through movement and breathing in the day ahead. However, although the day was primarily about exploring yoga through practice, Mika’s wealth of knowledge afforded us a glimpse into the spiritual and philosophical aspects of this tradition. Although I only managed to scribble down some names, her explanations throughout the day have since lead me to look more into Scaravelli, who wrote Awakening the Spine (1991), and the connections between her and the yoga master Iyengar (1918-2014) and the philosopher Krishnamurti (1895-1986). 

So Mika was introducing us to a specific strand of yoga, which she has further developed as her own (‘subtle yoga’), and set about helping us see the differences between it and the Alexander Technique whilst also showing us the points of contact. The day was well structured, and we explored stretches and poses, the importance of exhalation over inhalation, and the wave in the spine. Mika maintained the distinctions between each practice so, for example, she noted that in the Alexander Technique one tunes into the exhalation because that is when there is softness, but in yoga there are different moves depending on whether one is inhaling or exhaling. She shared some of yoga’s key concepts, like aparigraha (non-attachment), and asked us to talk about those central to AT: inhibition, primary control, and directions. Although there were a number of movements explored throughout the day, from unwinding the body’s memory by working in pairs to each one of us practicing the downward-facing dog pose, my personal favourite was the meditation talk-through. Lying on our mats, Mika talked us through the art of observing our breathing allowing us to enter a mode of deep relaxation whilst also gently bringing us back to a state of rested alertness. Though in different ways, both the practice of meditation and the semi-supine position awakens the parasympathetic nervous system allowing us to take time out to rest, repair and refresh. I left the workshop with the sense that Mika had not only demystified yoga for me, by making it more accessible, but that she had helped reinforce some of the concepts of the Alexander Technique through her comparative approach. I may not take up saluting the sun on a regular basis, but now I know that there isn’t a right or a wrong way to do it and, as in the Alexander Technique, it is all about learning to work with our body rather than against it.

A workshop on "Experiments in The Unified Field of Attention" with Penny O'Connor

Experiments in The Unified Field of Attention

A workshop with Penny O'Connor

Notes by Jenny Bond

I was intrigued by the title of this workshop and knew Penny and her way of working so I was really pleased to spend a day exploring her ideas. By the end of the day we felt enriched and energised and ready to take what we had learnt out into the world with a sense of exploration and playfulness. 

We met in the foyer of ArtsEd, it was nice to see some familiar faces as well as some new ones. After a quick cup of tea Penny led us upstairs. She invited us to imagine that as we take each step on the stairs we are stepping into a cardboard box. I liked the ease of movement this gave me.

We had some time to find out about the person sitting next to us and share what we’d learnt about them with the group. We all had different reasons for being there but there seemed to be a shared sense of curiosity. It was nice to hear a bit about Penny’s backround and how she came to this kind of work.

We then took turns to read out loud a small section from ‘Freedom to Change’ by Frank Piece Jones. Most of us noticed that our attention narrowed towards the task of reading before, during and for some people after we had read. I noticed a tendency to worry about when it was my turn and therefore not be as receptive to listening to others as I’d like. 

We discussed what we mean by attention and how we often narrow it in fear. I was interested in thinking about how traditional Alexander directions relate to what Penny calls spatial directions – bringing our awareness to the space around us. We also discussed ways we already use to bring ourselves back to the present and how a chattering mind can be a narrowing away from an awareness of the space around us. 

We played with these ideas with some movement. We walked around the room speaking out loud the things we could see. I was amazed by how much more I noticed about the room! I really liked using words to help me notice what’s around me so that the mind was occupied and was less judgemental. It was interesting that most of us noticed a lot more about the room but didn’t really include each other in this exercise that much. We then stood still to notice what we could hear, and where in space the sounds were coming from. Walking again we spoke out loud other things we noticed of the outside world such as smell, taste and touch. We also experimented with bringing ourselves into the moment by speaking through an action such as walking across the room, picking something up and placing it somewhere else. This got fun and we began to interact with each other a lot more. After this we sat in a circle and each took turns to say one sentence each on what we were experiencing. For example 'I can see the door', 'I can hear a bird'. I loved how listening to each other brought us into a sense of shared group experience of the now.

We then played with spatial orientation in a group. We walked around the room moving into spaces. We were asked to become aware of another person in the group, then two, then to keep them equidistant from each other. We were asked to stay close to one other person then far from another person then both of these at the same time. This led to lots of laughter and it was interesting to observe the use of space within the room with these activities as well as our own reactions. 

The next game saw us walking around and choosing a moment to bring attention to ourselves by saying ‘me’ as a signal for everyone else to stop walking and look at the person who spoke. I found it really helpful to observe my reaction to having everyone look at me! I really lost a sense of the space around me at that moment. 

Throughout the morning Penny invited us to become aware of the distance between the top of our head and the ceiling, the distance between our backs and the wall behind, and distances between either side of us and the walls, a sense of a panoramic view, where sounds come from and a sense of the ground beneath our feet. We then took these ideas into working in pairs with hands on before lunch. 

After lunch Penny led us in a lovely semi-supine. Again thinking of external spatial parameters as well as internal space and distances. I felt very light and effortless although a little sleepy too until I started to move around again! We thought about how the space around us changes shape as we move

Penny’s game ‘port and starboard’ certainly woke me up. This helped us become aware of how our attention changes as we want to be the first or last to get somewhere.

We then experimented with walking across the room thinking that the other side is travelling towards us, we also had a little explore around the corridors of ArtsEd being aware of the apparent movement of the walls moving past us. 

We then came back to the room to play the ‘sticky hands game’. One person closes their eyes and places their hand on another persons who leads them in movement. It was interesting to watch each other in this activity and think about how spatial awareness effects hands on work. This led really well into some hands on work in pairs during which we explored where our attention was. 

We had some discussion before we finished. Penny suggested that inviting pupils to be in the space of here and now they are more likely to be responsive and out of habit. I’m now going to experiment with how this awareness effects the traditional internal directions, perhaps they’ll begin to happen anyway or maybe take on a different quality. So far it’s been fun to explore. I often feel uncomfortable after working on a computer. However, I’m pleased to say that writing about the day with Penny has given me a great opportunity to keep coming back to the sense of space around me as I write and I actually feel great and excited about the possibilities of sharing these ideas and bringing them into my work in music, with my Alexander pupils as well as in everyday life. Thank you Penny! 

Books Penny mentioned during the day:

FM's MSI chapter 6 Habits of mind and body

Les Fehmi's 'Open Focus Brain
Frank Pierce Jones Freedom to Change (appendix D)
Joseph Sanders Art and the Fearless Brain, article from HITE's recent publication 'Connected Perspectives'

A workshop on "What are Feelings For?" with Bridget Belgrave

What are Feelings For?

A workshop with Bridget Belgrave

Notes by Abi Clancey

Whilst setting up our space in Soho House Jacek was telling me a little more about Nonviolent Communication (NVC).  What really stuck with me was when he told me how some people call it Giraffe Language to represent the compassion behind the work.  Who knew giraffe’s had the biggest hearts of all land mammals! 

We started the day with what Bridget called a data round where we all gave our name, what school we were training at / graduated from and where we had come from that day.   Something Bridget wanted us to play with throughout the day was how we were feeling in ourselves and how we felt connected to each other, giving us the opportunity to practice understanding and being able to communicate our feelings at any given time.  In line with this after doing the data round we then did a ‘feelings’ round where we each said how we were feeling at that moment and about the day ahead.  This second round caused a complete change of atmosphere.  There was now an openness and ease within the group.  It was time to get started.

To understand NVC more Bridget talked us through the creator Marshall Rosenberg’s background, helping us understand why he called the work NVC, something a few of us were struggling to understand and something I would like to share here.  Marshall Rosenberg originally referred to the work as Compassionate Communication but at that time the non-violent movement was being brought to everyone’s attention through people like Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi.  Because of this Marshall’s first book was titled Nonviolent Communication and after that the name stuck. 

For our first exercise we split into groups of three and wrote down what we’d heard or read about when relating to feelings in the context of the Alexander Technique.  Here are just a few...

• There is nothing right or wrong
• Emotional gusts
• Feelings are acceptable
• Feelings can be held and supported in the body
• You can’t change what you feel but you can change what you think

We then took a moment with ourselves to sit with these feelings becoming aware of how we felt discussing them.  This space gave us the time to notice our relationship with the different feelings and how they affected us.   Each of these steps preparing us further for Bridget’s invitation into the beginning of NVC work.

Bridget then asked us to define ‘feelings’ whilst she noted them on the below diagram.  

Whilst discussing these different feelings something that I found useful was when Bridget mentioned that when we are with someone who is overwhelmed by emotion we must realize that for this person the feeling they are experiencing is their truth.  It is all they’ve got in that moment.  This immediately gave the discussion a much more empathetic feel.

Bridget then started to walk us through the four elements of NVC (Giraffe Language!).  The first element being Observations, all the external information that we can see and hear.  When being able to clarify our observations we establish a shared understanding with the other person of what happened that has stimulated our feelings. 

The second element is Feelings which for many of us we began to realize can be very hard to put into words.   Most of us had a tendency to talk about our thoughts as opposed to our feelings. 

The third element is Needs.  Bridget very kindly shared the moment NVC became revolutionary for her, and then in turn for me also.  The feelings we experience have much more to do with our needs than what is happening around us.  Our human needs are universal.  As Jacek said, ‘some of our needs not being met is what we all have in common’.   With a deeper understanding of this element in the work Bridget guided us to realize for ourselves that when you talk to people about their needs it is very respectful place to be in and causes a shift in the conversation.  A shift that can bring more openness, empathy and understanding to what might have been a difficult conversation.      

It doesn’t make us feel any better when we tell someone that because of something they’ve done we don’t feel good.  This feels like blame which is something NVC helps us to get away from.  With this understanding we can start to realize that if we are feeling uncomfortable and experiencing difficult emotions it is because some need is not being met.  So it is not because of what the other person did, you don’t need to take it personally but explore what need is not being met.   How liberating this could be if put into practice.  Bridget then asked us to think of a situation in our minds where we needed support but we didn’t get it.  What emotions do we feel?

The fourth element is Requests.  The requests are communications about strategies to help meet the need, whether it is request towards others or ourselves.  Needs are universal whereas strategies are personally relevant to you.  When discussing this we very quickly learnt that if you let judgments come into the conversation it is very hard to get creative with the strategies. 

Something that Bridget said which I found very interesting was that when people feel understood they are willing to listen to a different opinion.  Although this moment only lasts for about 20 seconds!  Understanding someone’s needs means you connect so we are using NVC to form a connection.

We then rounded up our discussions to break for lunch.  Bridget reminded us again that what people do is always an attempt to meet a present need, a need that is important to them in that moment and left us with that as we ventured outside into the busyness that is Soho. 

After lunch we started with a word round again but this time we had to say, in one word, how we were feeling (examples being tired, content and intrigued).  After which Bridget asked us to share what need we were able to fulfill over our lunch break.   

We talked about practicing NVC on a daily basis.  Bridget suggested that we needed to practice our focus on putting into words our feelings and recommended asking ourselves the below questions at the end of each day.   

What am I feeling now?

What are a couple of needs I had met today?

What are a couple of needs I didn’t have met today?

We then delved deeper into the four elements of NVC and how we can go about practicing them and making them a part of our everyday lives.  There were a few things that I found really helpful so would briefly like to share with you.

•           Bridget explained that with observation it can be very helpful to be specific, and to refer to how you know this, e.g. I heard this… I saw this… 
•          It can be easy to make an interpretation as opposed to an observation which became obvious when working through the different exercises. 
•        When taking steps to understand our needs we should always be careful to keep the separation between need and strategy. 
•        With requests we need to be careful to make sure they are not demands.  It is also helpful that if we are wanting to ask a request of someone to be simple and clear with the request and have a timeline. 

      We then moved into our next exercise where in pairs we placed on the floor A5 size cards.  These showed key words for learning NVC such as:

       Observations

       Feelings

       Needs

       Requests

      This is something that Bridget and Gina Lawrie developed called NVC Dance Floors.  To learn more please visit www.NvcDanceFloors.com.

      We thought of a situation in our life (nothing too difficult) and then with our partner moved step by step from one card to the next starting with observations.  Becoming aware when observations could become interpretations, feelings become thoughts etc.  It was actually much harder than we first thought it would be but for some it led to fascinating realizations and discoveries, myself included.   It was not only an energizing exercise and experiment but something we all learnt a huge amount from.

      Towards the end of the workshop we discussed how we can bring NVC to our teaching.  Listening is an important part of NVC.  One feels relieved and empowered when we realize the need behind something that is happening within ourselves or with another.  Bridget spoke of how it is important to notice the moment in a lesson when we start to feel uneasy and that maybe what your student is saying or how they are acting is not appropriate or not what you are appropriately trained to deal with.  Be authentic and true to yourself and talk to them about this openly.  Just be honest.  Then, in a role play exercise one of us was a new pupil and the person playing the teacher would listen to the pupil and see if they could tune in to their needs for coming to the lesson.  An interesting exercise that got us all practicing listening for someone’s needs.

      Then sadly the workshop had to come to and end.  Can you guess how we ended this brilliant workshop?  We shared one word expressing how we felt.  This gave us the opportunity to not only practice the work of understanding and verbalizing how we were feeling but also a moment to reflect on all we had learnt that day.   A truly incredible day.

Marshall Rosenberg passed away on 7^th February 2015. 

      Please visit Bridget’s website to learn more about all she offers www.LifeResources.org.uk.  After our workshop several people expressed interest in participating in a one-day workshop so it is likely Bridget will set these up specifically for AT people.  If you are interested in this visit her website where you can request to be added to her mailing list and mention that you are an AT student or teacher, if you are.